This is like deja vu all over again.
I shouted at my mother today. This is the first time I’ve ever shouted at her. Was I being to hot headed? Was I not as rational as I thought I’ve become?
She comes into my room every now and then without knocking when I’m reading and shouts at me and find whatever she thing she have the chance to trash out at me. I reckon she’s having her menopause(is she supposed to have menopause in her mid 40s?) or she’s just having too much stress from doing all those housework.
Of course I get pissed every now and then, but I swallow it down - all the time, even if its not my fault at all, because that is the very least that I can contribute to this goddamn household. I admit, I’m a fucking lazy bum, waking up in the afternoon, staring at the computer screen for the rest of the day, get money from them and go out to waste my life away. I never help out in anything around the house except to take out the trash once in a while, so I guess the best that I can offer is to be the sandbag for the rest of the family; to shut my bloody mouth and let them rant at me everytime they get home from a bad day at work. Afterall, that is the best I can give to them.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me to shout at her like this. Its not like me. I didn’t mean to do it. Maybe she’s really tired of doing all the housework herself. She dotes on me - alot. She gives me money, let me have my freedom, but its just… I really don’t know anymore.
God. I’m stressed. I realised, in one way or another, most of the stress comes from school. The upcoming O’levels, and the incalculable amount of anger that I’ve suppressed over the course of 2 years or so, when I opened my eyes and saw how evil the world was for the first time. I saw how disgusting human can behave to achieve their goals, how only bootlickers and backstabbers rise to the top of the power charts with powerful pussy licking skills, and good, honest people continues to strive in hope of a better future. The bad news is, there is none.
I shouldn’t even have woken up from my dreamland. I should have continued to keep dreaming about the simple world out there, where everybody has painted faces and red noses, just like the world that Benedict perceives, where things are so much more simpler, and life would therefore be so much more happier. Perhaps ignorance is really bliss (but not for stupidity, because Benedict is way above the cut for ignorance. )
Its official. My eyes are failing me. At first I thought that I was just tired, but turns out that my vision is really very blur. Fuck myself for not taking care of my eagle eyes. I can’t see shit when I’m reading online articles. Now that my vision’s got some problem, I don’t even dare to tell my parents about it because they’ll probably scream at me for spending too much time on the computer. Its always about me and the computer.
